As adults, most of us can reflect on our childhood and remember one adult (a parent, guardian, family member, neighbor, teacher, professional, or friend) whom we viewed from our child eyes as a model of what an adult- woman or man- should be. Our earliest ideas about ourselves and what is valued in the world around us, largely stem from the perceptions and observations of others. Likewise, the exchanges (both verbal and non-verbal) that children have with the adults of importance in their young lives, often speak volumes.

The following ‘question and answer’ was posted on an online parenting news and advice column, and serves as an important reminder of how everyday actions that reflect our relationships with food and our willingness to nourish our minds and bodies, can hold significant weight in the worlds of the children around us.  

We welcome any reactions or thoughts you may have on this topic.

Is 4-year-old trying to (not) eat like mom?

Posted by Barbara F. Meltz May 2, 2011 06:00 AM

My 4 year old granddaughter is exposed to a lot of TV watching cartoons, etc., lots of snack stuff, fast food, a bite or two off of a parent’s sandwich, etc. She drinks a lot of milk at times, and then drinks water until they get to the grocery store. I cook good meals for her, have milk for her, etc., but when she eats now, she takes a few bites and says she is full! Her mom eats no lunch, and no breakfast, just sporadically, and I’m wondering if she is trying to eat like her mom does?? Any thoughts on this?

From: Evelyn, Kansas City, MO

Hi Evelyn,

I agree that this doesn’t sound so much like a picky eater as it does like a child who is influenced by her environment, from too much screen time with lots of commercials marketing unhealthy food to vulnerable young viewers to at least one parent whose own eating habits sound somewhat disordered. So yes, she could be trying to eat like her mom. One of the primary ways in which preschoolers learn about and make sense of their world is by imitation of the behaviors of the important people in their lives. What’s worrisome — and what I suspect is behind your email — is that disordered eating habits, even at early ages, can turn into eating disorders in later years.

Can you have a conversation with her mom (sorry, you don’t say if this is your daughter or DIL). It’s certainly not too late to make some changes! I just had a conversation this week with a mom whose son has recently turned into a better eater after years of picky eating and daily struggles over food. They are a family of three with a 7-year-old and a dad whose habit for years as a single person and even into the marriage was to eat in front of the TV. Now the three of them eat dinner together around the kitchen table. The food she’s serving hasn’t changed but she thinks that sitting across from each other, enjoying each other’s company, and seeing mom and dad actually eating their food (instead of staring at the screen) is making the difference.

With any luck, this mom can recognize the influence she ‘s having on her daughter and she’ll be willing (and able) to make some changes in her own life so that she’s a better role model.

The story of recovery below was eloquently written by Veronica Ramirez, and serves as a testament to the complex nature of an eating disorder and the challenging, yet possible, path to a fuller life…

My Eating Disorder & Me

by Veronica Ramirez

I pulled my down comforter back over my head.  Maybe if I went back to sleep, the previous six weeks would be found to have been all a dream.

“Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.” I muttered.  I was.  Life was.  Food was.

It was my first morning back at home, after 38 days in residential and outpatient treatment for an eating disorder.  I still had another two months at a facility closer to my house, in order to adjust to life in “the real world” before I returned to work.

My journey towards recovery was much more difficult than my dalliance into an eating disorder.  The latter was merely a much longer road.  Decades of perfectionism, poor body image, “yo yo” dieting, fear of failure, and episodes of both restricting food and binging led to the summer of 2009, when I lost a significant amount of weight on what I swore would be my last diet.  So afraid of gaining an ounce, I vomited any food I deemed “bad”, and worked out more than ever.  I continued to eat very little and purge what I did eat, and I lost more weight.

Eating disorders are not a diet gone wrong.  Because of this fact, one cannot “just eat” or “just stop.”  I tried.  I hated the path I was on – the path that was getting me closer to being fired because I could not concentrate on anything but calorie counting.  The malnutrition was causing me to be focused only on food, and though I cognitively knew I needed to eat, I became more fearful of food by the day.  I went to therapy with an eating disorder specialist, and saw a registered dietician as well.  Nothing seemed to work.  I purged more, ate less, and ran more miles than ever.

Eating disorders are also not about vanity.  Though they may start out with a diet, a desire to be a certain body type or size, they are truly a way to say something that the person does not yet have the power to verbalize.  I was terrified of failing at my job.  I felt rejected by a guy.  I had a host of other stressors that many readers of this blog probably face every day and handle with grace.   I wanted to run, and felt that if I restricted my caloric intake, focused on my body, and purged if I “failed” at restricting, then I could regain control of my life.

Instead, the eating disorder controlled me.  It wanted me to itself.  I kept it a secret from almost everyone, and slowly began to isolate.  As my weight dropped, so did any amount of self esteem I had left.  On May 13, 2010, the jig was up.  I was all but forced to take a medical leave of absence, told my parents about my eating disorder and treatment in one sitting, and drove an hour to my treatment facility.  I was forced to eat.  Forced to eat bread.  Cheese.  Cake.  “Normal food.”  As my physical well-being was being cared for, the emotional wounds could finally be worked on.  Questions like why do I have an eating disorder? How is this actually helping me to function? and What are more healthy coping mechanisms to use? were frequently addressed.

My friends rallied around me.  Their support was everything to me.  The fact that I could call on them through every turn and bump in the row, and every celebration (“I ate a hot dog!”) cannot be expressed in words.  I don’t know a single person in recovery who did it alone, and I certainly never could have.

Today, I am at an ideal weight for me, and I am obsessed with music and writing, not an eating disorder.  By the grace of God, the wisdom of my treatment team, and some blood, sweat, and tears, I am so disgustingly happy to be in recovery.  Sure, it sends me a little off kilter when people ask if I’ve lost or gained weight, make comments about my body.  And I do worry about relapse.   But I can’t imagine going back to the hell I was in before.  I now turn down the covers every morning, look around my room, and think, “Hell yes.  This is my life.  Now what’s for breakfast?”

Artist Fritz Liedtke has created a profound body of work that sheds a bright light on the individual experiences of those struggling with and recovering from Anorexia and Bulimia. A collection of intimate portraits depict the lives of real people through the art of photography and language.

“Viewed together, these small stories combine to make a single whole, as small chapters make for a larger narrative. Themes emerge, similarities. Perhaps the clearest theme is also the simplest, one which every normal person would acknowledge: the desire to be known and loved for who we are.”

 Visit http://skeletoninthecloset.net to read the stories, learn more, and share in the conversation.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is a special time each year, dedicated to raising awareness of eating disorders and body image issues, while working toward prevention, reducing stigma, and increasing access to treatment.

Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses — not choices — and it’s important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder.

NEDAwareness Week is a collective effort of primarily volunteers, including eating disorder professionals, health care providers, students, educators, social workers, and individuals committed to raising awareness of the dangers surrounding eating disorders and the need for early intervention and treatment.

This year, NEDA asked everyone to do just one thing to help raise awareness and provide accurate information about eating disorders.  NEDAwareness Week participants can choose from a huge range of ways to contribute: Distribute info pamphlets and put up posters, write one letter for Media Watchdogs, register as a Volunteer Speaker or host a Volunteer Speaker, post information on Facebook or arrange interactive and educational activities such as a meditation and yoga event, panel discussions, fashion shows, body fairs, movie screenings, art exhibits and more. As an official NEDAwareness Week participant you can be involved in any way that works with your schedule, resources, community, and interests. These events and activities attract public media attention – on local, national and international levels. 

Please visit http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/programs-events/nedawareness-week.php#mission to access information on events in your area, activity schedules, registration, and lots of ways to participate in this important week!

(Information retrieved from National Eating Disorders Association.org, February 24th, 2011)

Her creative artwork entitled “Hear Me, Please” has been chosen as a finalist in the 2011 “Imagine Me Beyond What You See” Body Image Mannequin Competition! A poster of her artwork will be displayed at the IAEDP Symposium, and awards will take place on Saturday night, March 5th, during the Red Carpet Art Exhibit Reception & Film Premiere. Nice work, Sara!

Shoreline Center for Eating Disorder Treatment will be participating in the art exhibit at this year’s 4^th annual IAEDP Southern California Evening of Jazz and Arts Under the Stars!

This evening was created to honor and celebrate National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, and will include a jazz trio, book signing, silent auction and special guest appearances. Hors d’oevres and wine will be served. 

We hope to see you there!

Saturday, February 19^th, 2011

4-8 pm

Calamingos Ranch in Malibu, California

$45 prepay and $55 at the door

Please visit http://www.iaedpsocal.com/ for more detail and ticket purchases.

The recovery story below was written by Sara, a 30-year-old woman living in Long Beach, California. She currently works full-time, attends school and is preparing to receive her Master’s degree in May, 2011. Reflecting on a painful childhood and a life riddled with dieting and body image issues, Sara says that today she finally feels grounded and healthy. She feels able to embrace her authentic self, as well as her love for both animals and nature. Sara believes that receiving support in facing her eating disorder and its underlying causes has brought her to this happy and healthy place. Below is her story…

It has been almost 5 years since I came to Shoreline and began my recovery journey.  I remember making that first call. I was scared, ashamed and doubtful that I would ever be able to overcome my eating disorder.  I remember fighting back tears during the intake, knowing that I would have to gain weight if I began treatment.  I remember being terrified everyone would find out that under my eating disorder was a black, unlovable and unworthy hole.  An argument raged in my head that I did not need “treatment,” that it would be too costly, too time consuming, disruptive to my schedule, and it simply wouldn’t work.  I argued with myself that if only I had more “willpower” I could get better on my own.  However, deep down my heart knew that my life and spirit were being swallowed by something beyond my control.  I felt alone and hopeless. However, I realized though that even if treatment didn’t work, I felt more cared about and concerned for in that one intake session than I could remember.  I was hungry for love and affection, and this is what pulled me through the door and made all the difference.

Treatment was one of the most challenging, frustrating, and rewarding experiences of my life.  I participated in treatment for 2 solid years – this included Intensive Outpatient Program, Partial Hospitalization Program, and living at Satori house.   Fighting an eating disorder is war and I could not have done it alone.  Thankfully, an army of therapists, treatment friends, and a psychiatrist backed me and held hope for me when I couldn’t grasp it myself.  For a long time, my eating disorder still felt in control.  Intense emotions would emerge that I had stuffed for years.  At times, I was resistant and ambivalent about letting go of my eating disorder.  I relived trauma that had haunted me a lifetime.  Outside of group, my head was consumed with eating disorder chatter and trying to figure out what was “normal,” many times ready to give up altogether.  It was a constant battleground, but slowly things began to shift.  I put one foot in front of the next and returned to group each day.  I felt contained and cared for by my therapists.  They understood me and approached me with compassion and patience. For the first time I was able to put names to my struggles.  My Shoreline circle heard and validated me.  Healing began to take root.

Early into my treatment I went on a trip to Africa.  I remember putting a travel book in our healing circle and surprising everyone by saying, “Africa is recovery, I am going to Africa.”  This may have been my first moment of light and motivation in the treatment process.  It was a bit impulsive and emotionally difficult on me while there – I remember calling my therapist all the way across the world in tears and feeling comforted by her voice.   Though it was hard, I am grateful I had that experience.  I made reality out of something I had long dreamed.  I was living.  I experienced a world outside of my eating disorder.  Recovery was given a new meaning.

I believe with all my heart that living at Satori was instrumental in my recovery journey.  With suitcase in hand, I was told that my one requirement was to ask for help.  Having 24 hour support forced me to challenge my eating disorder, hold myself accountable and tolerate discomfort in ways I never imagined possible. I quickly learned the importance and necessity of asking for hep.  The Recovery Coaches helped me create a safety plan prior to going out.  I would call the the house when I was triggered. I was able to process tough situations and reflect on successful situations. 

I’ve had to go onto disability twice while in treatment.  I will again emphasize that fighting an eating disorder is war that takes up every once of energy.  As I gained stability, the Recovery Coaches helped me to prepare a resume and encouraged me in the job hunt and interview process.  Today, three years later, I am at the same job I obtained while living at Satori.  I am proud of myself for this accomplishment and as each of my yearly work reviews approach, I reflect on this support with a sense of gratitude and appreciation.

I had been hankering for a dog for some time and decided to get a puppy as part of my recovery plan when I moved out of Satori.    I named her after an island I had visited off of the coast of Tanzania because it symbolic of Shoreline and of recovery.  After naming her, I discovered that in Sanskrit, her means “Restorer of Good Health,” and that she has been.

It has been three years now since I have been out of intensive treatment and living on my own.  I am still in therapy and continue to heal and grow stronger in my recovery.  Five years ago, walking through the doors of Shoreline, I was asked where I want to be in five years.  It was a painful question.  My response was living in my own apartment with a dog, obtaining my Master’s degree, being at peace, and above all not having my eating disorder.  It was excrutiating for me to verbalize because while it felt tangible for most people, it seemed impossible and a mere fantasy for me. 

I am pleasantly surprised and proud to say that today, five years later, I live on my own apartment with a precious dog, work fulltime and after six years will be graduating this Spring with my Master’s degree.  Most days, my eating disorder feels a distant memory.  Who would have thought? I continue to be astute and mindful to prevent it from sneaking in, but I am free.  I am living a full life in peace.

Through this journey, I have learned that recovery is not a linear process, rather is full of ebbs and flows. I am learning that sometimes I have to walk blindly and trust in the process and wisdom of those around me.  I am learning to approach myself with compassion, forgiveness, and nurturance as this invites for healing, discovery and movement.  I have found the healing power of tears and of being heard.  I am discovering strength and resilience in myself that I did not know I possess. I have discovered laughter.  I have found that recovery is possible.  Life can be found.  Joy discovered. 

                                                                                                                                              – Sara B.

Time spent with friends and family members throughout the holiday season is often inseparable from shared meals and a multitude of holiday food choices. Honoring one’s true hunger can fullness can be especially difficult during this time. For those in eating disorder recovery, eating mindfully and intuitively may be particularly challenging.

Intuitive eating, which is also referred to as “mindful” eating, guides individuals in the process of listening to one’s internal cues. It also helps those in eating disorder recovery form a healthy relationship with food. This is an anti-diet approach to eating, without rules to break or temptations to resist. Unlike meal planning or dieting, intuitive eating is not black or white. Rather, it relies on the ‘gray’ of listening to the body’s needs and not setting oneself up for failure.

To help us learn to intuitively eat, we may remember that all infants and toddlers (yes, even our own childhood selves) innately possess the ability to have a natural and healthy relationship with food. Infants easily know when they are hungry and full by the signals their bodies send. This ability exists in all of us, no matter how long we may have previously ignored it. Although tuning into this ‘intuition’ can take conscious effort and intention, with practice and patience it can most certainly be achieved. The challenge in becoming an intuitive eater is to reconnect with the already present internal cues and to learn to ignore the external ones.

Dieting is a purely external way to regulate food intake. Other external forces that can control our food intake include only choosing “good” or “healthy” foods, automatically finishing everything on the plate, or only taking the portion directed on the food label. In each of these acts we are silencing our intuitive eater. Using such external factors as these to determine what, how much and when to eat can be self-defeating and in some cases may inadvertently reinforce an eating disorder mindset because it disconnects us from our own body and sacred intuition.

In order to get back in touch with hunger and fullness cues and figure out what our bodies are asking for requires mindfulness while eating. Using our senses while eating is a great way to get back in touch with our bodies. During the holidays, many of us are rushing around, engaging in multiple tasks or conversations, and often eating food on the run. While eating in this manner, most people have trouble paying attention to hunger and fullness cues, let alone taste, texture, sight and smell of their food. Staying fully aware of these aspects of food will enhance the experience of eating, create a greater sense of satisfaction, and aid in mindfully giving our bodies exactly what they intuitively need.

Checking in with ourselves can also help us to remain mindful while eating. Below are some questions you may wish to ask yourself throughout your meal:

-       Where is my hunger/fullness level?

-       Am I enjoying this food?

-       What would make my eating experience more pleasurable in this moment?

-       Would I rather be eating something different?

-       Am I staying present while eating or is my mind wandering elsewhere?

-       What external factors influenced my food choices today?

-       How can I reconnect to the internal signals my body is sending me?

Asking questions and checking in with oneself while eating during the holidays can be an excellent step to practice mindfulness and intuitive eating. Awareness is a vital component of change, and an important practice in the process of recovery from an eating disorder. During this holiday season, acknowledge that intuitive eating is a skill to be cultivated and a practice that may take time and patience.

We wish you a healthy and happy holiday season, with many more joyous days to come.

(some information retrieved from Center for Change pamphlet publication, October 2006).

Controversy over the unnatural, waif-like frames of models in America and abroad has long-reigned over news stories and graced the pages of popular women’s magazines. While measures have been taken in the fashion industry to ensure “healthier” models on the runway, images of unnaturally thin girls and women continue to overrun American media every day. The belabored question of when our society’s ideal body type faded from a lively and vibrant Marilyn Monroe to a meek and silenced Kate Moss remains a conundrum. Today, however, it seems the more pertinent question is when a much needed shift will happen once more- from an unhealthy and manufactured ideal to a healthy, more natural one.

To magnify the seriousness of this issue, we might consider the diagnostic criteria for Anorexia Nervosa. Criteria include, but are not limited to, a refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height, an intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight, and denial of the seriousness of the low body weight.

While a professional assessment of the recent winner of America’s Next Top Model, Ann Ward’s health is not public knowledge, visual postulations may be made regarding her state of health. Before her ‘Top Model’ win, Ann made headlines when Tyra Banks marveled at the way her hands could grasp Ms. Ward’s waist, in its entirety, on public television. Few, if any women’s waists are naturally sculpted in a way that allows two hands to fit comfortably around it.  While it must be acknowledged that every woman’s body is built differently, each is unique, and some are naturally predisposed to occupy a slighter frame, the extreme body type seen in the case of Ann Ward is very often achievable by one method only: self-starvation and/or other disordered eating behaviors.

Restricting the food that fuels one’s body, the food that one’s body vitally needs to function, draws most down a slippery slope… one that often leads to a powerful obsession with food, ritualized and disordered eating behaviors, and a potential struggle with the most lethal mental disorder known today- an eating disorder.

Let it be suggested that before we so readily celebrate this false ideal, we consider the life-threatening behaviors that often lie just beyond what meets the public eye.

Traditionally, Thanksgiving is a time for reflecting on feelings of gratitude and gathering with friends and family for a joyous and pleasurable occasion. However, for a person struggling with an eating disorder, or currently in recovery, this can be a particularly challenging time.

It can be difficult for friends and family to know how to best support a loved one during the holiday season. Below are some tips on how you can be an active support system, or suggestions that you yourself can offer to family or friends who wish to support you. The tips below are meant to help create a supportive and healthy environment for you and your loved ones this Thanksgiving.

 We wish you a happy and healthy holiday!

Thanksgiving Tips for Friends and Family:

•  A little bit of encouragement goes a long way
• Avoid calling attention to what your loved one is eating
• Ask how (s)he is doing and if you can be of support to her/him
• Encourage your loved one to make a dish that would be enjoyable for her/him
• Avoid pressuring her/him to eat
• Avoid conversation about weight, diet, and eating concerns
• Let your loved one know that (s)he is loved
• Actively engage her/him in conversations regarding other interests, such as hobbies, world events, family traditions, recent adventures and so on…
• Treat your loved one with love and respect regardless of what else is going on
• Make an effort to learn her/his particular struggles beforehand so that you can take notice of such moments and offer support at that time
• Try to be as patient and nurturing as you can
• Avoid focusing visually on her/him during mealtime
• Openly show willingness to talk with her/him about her anxieties and fears about the holiday get-together
• Avoid praising her/him when she does eat
• Focus this holiday on family/friends and precious time spent together rather than solely focusing on the food/meal
• Coordinate other activities that are fun and enjoyable for all to actively participate in
• Remain mindful and enjoy the time spent with your loved one, and remember that you can be an integral part of her/his holiday experience